I can't believe how much money is in the gossip magazine industry. I was waiting in line at the grocery checkout and there were half a dozen of those Enquirer type rags. Headline: ALIEN BABY RECITES SHAKESPEARE and that kind of crap. I don't read that particular print because aliens and Elvis sightings don't really interest me. But once in awhile I'll find a dog-eared copy of People magazine or Star Weekly and slyly pick it up to thumb through... always entertaining seeing what Pamela Anderson is up to these days... whether it's her cup size or number of husbands.
But if you really want to know what's going on, and all the juicy details, come hang out at the firehall over a cup of java. Don't know why, but firefighters can natter with the best of the quilting bees. We know the happenings of all the guys on all the shifts... we can tell you who, what, where, when, why and how. There are no secrets. And if you have some juicy bit of gossip, don't waste your time calling the press... Instead, telephone, telegraph, tell a firefighter. We'll get the word out before tomorrow's daily is printed. Promise.