Wednesday, April 20, 2011

close that chapter


It's done.

I cannot believe that my exam and simulator is over. I feel happy, giddy, exhausted, shell-shocked. I had to take a week to unwind and get used to what it feels like again not to feel under pressure. I didn't realize the toll it was taking on my mind. The past six months of intense studying for hours a day is a blur yet the hundreds of pages read remain amazingly clear. As much as I felt I was bleeding blood from a stone, I am glad I went through the process. It is a right of passage that firefighters must take if they want to become officers. Most importantly, the process, promotion or not, makes you a better, more disciplined and knowledgeable firefighter. All of us who wrote expected to feel this elation upon completion but now we're all in a waiting game, a holding pattern until they release the results next month. I think I did well and the only thing that might hold me back is my seniority... I am somewhere in the middle of the pack and the mark is based on a combination of percentage achieved on the exam and years of service. So we shall see.

So now I am back to the land of the living and feel like I suddenly have time on my hands again. I am less snippy with the children and my husband. And it feels so good to just be present with my family. My mind isn't cluttered trying to hold all the information in. Spring is here. I have the fever.

First shift back after my exam I was greeted with a second alarm housefire. Happened right at shift change. And I broke one of the rules.... not a huge deal but after learning every single policy and procedure out there it felt good to be a rebel. You see, I was walking into the station at shift change and the trucks were starting up. So I literally grabbed my gear, and pulled it on over my jeans and tank top and drove the ladder to the call. And when we arrived there were flames shooting through the roof. I hesitate to say that it was a beautiful thing to see because, after all, someone's home was burning down and that is never a good thing. But the this is what we live for as firefighters....... flame. And although you can't hold it, you can see it, taste it and smell it. And hopefully consume it before it consumes you.

Yes. This is why I wrote the exam. To be able to stand in the middle of burning chaos, hopefully calm and cool as a cucumber and get things back under control.

Thanks y'all for being patient with me while I was in absentia. Lots and lots to catch up on. I will be posting pictures soon of the children. Amazing how much they can grow in six months.

In the meantime.....

buh-bye study notes... lol

hugs and love.