Friday, October 19, 2012

big big love

So I've dabbled in the dating world for an iota of a second and quite honestly, it isn't for me. Right now anyway. Perhaps it is because I am newly divorced. Perhaps because my life is so tremendously fulfilling and satisfying regarding my work and my children. And my climbing of course. It would take someone very special who could pry me away from those I love the most.  People ask me if I am lonely. And the thought hasn't crossed my mind. I am surrounded by a crew of stable, strong men at work who I trust with my life. I have my children who I live my life for. And I have me....  This person that I am getting to know again because I no longer have to worry, impress, convince, or be loveable to anyone but myself. Besides, the dating world is weird. There are the cheapskates, the narcissists, the alcoholics, the players......  I can spot them a mile away and I'm like, 'uh, no thanks'.

My mother, who practices Buddhism, has this term she calls 'big, big love'.  It's about because you don't have the 'one', you are able to love and care for the 'many'.  Which at this point in my life, is exactly where I want to be. Because my love isn't channeled and focused into one so-called man, I am instead able to channel and focus all my love into mankind. And this warms my heart. I am able to love all children as if they were my own, take care of patients at work like they were my own family, and just appreciate the lessons, good and bad, that come with people I meet.  It's as simple as that and it gives me peace. I find soon as relationships start to unfold on an intimate level all of a sudden there are expectations which are a set up for disappointment. A friend of mine asked me why I don't allow myself to be loved by a man. To which I replied, 'Because I have something bigger than that'.  I have been blessed with that thing called big big love and there is nothing more powerful than that. XO