bye bye swimmers

Well, it's a done deal. It was V day yesterday. My husband came back from the doctor's and promptly sat on a bag of frozen peas.

After the birth of Maiya I was in that hormonal high and wanted a third baby right away. My husband, being the wiser one, said he was open to a third child but to give it at least six months. Well, that baby feeling went away and here we are.

I feel happy and relieved that I am done with having babies. I had two picture perfect pregnancies and deliveries and we have a boy and a girl. The family feels balanced and complete. And the children don't outnumber the parents. :) As much as I love children, I will be forty next month and I just don't think I have the energy to do it again. I have noticed that prior to having children, I rarely got sick, now colds sadly are commmonplace... mostly because I am constantly sleep deprived. I also don't want to take any more time off from work. I don't see myself working as a firefighter to retirement age because I think a 60 year old woman having gone through menopause might break a hip getting off the truck. So I want to roll with however many years my body gives me on this job. And mostly importantly, even though I know there is always enough love to go around, I can't say the same for time. And I want this time to enjoy with my little family now without feeling stretched. Some days I feel so grumpy and overwhelmed and inundated with all the things it takes to keep a household together while also working full time shift work that I miss the days I had before children. That is only natural I suppose. So Jacob and Maiya are the lucky little swimmers that made it through and I am glad they did. As taxing and trying they can be sometimes, I have grown up with them, and through them. I don't think I came fully into my own until I had my babies. It is weird and wonderful to guide these little lives and have them depend on me. I just wish I could get more sleep. Maybe one day.