believe

I want to believe in God. But I have a hard time getting my head wrapped around a bearded dude sitting somewhere in the sky.

But I want to believe in God, and have the calming faith and devotion that some people have. I don't want to go to a church to pray because frankly I find churches a bit creepy. But I want to believe in something. I usually ponder these thoughts around Christmas time and for those of you who know me, you understand why I have a hard time with this holiday on so many levels. But at least it has me thinking about faith which is a good thing.

I've decided (with no disrespect to those who see God otherwise) that God is not a person but really the moments in which we find gratitude and love for the sake of loving without expecting anything in return. It's those moments when we are truly doing what we are born to do, using our talents and gifts as selfless offerings. I've seen God through my job, helping those find peace with the loss of their loved ones or simply when i am happy and just grateful to roll up hose when the fire is out. I've seen God look right at me through my son's eyes the moment he was born...., and feel His love through my daughter's kisses. I know this all sounds spacey, especially for someone as pragmatic as myself but I just finished listening to Leonard Cohen's Hallellujah and it always strikes a chord in me. Or maybe this is all residual stuff from my trip. Who knows? Regardless, I hope I can continue feeling this centred and carry this peace about me for a long time to come.