A blog is a weird thing. Weird because I'm a really private person and here I am broadcasting very personal things about my life at home and at work. I find it easier that complete strangers read my blog as opposed to my colleagues, probably because my 'work face' is so very different than the feelings that I have inside. I hide my worries and fears behind humour and often a false sense of bravado. I can be very guarded with people I don't trust and come across as insular or jaded and hide behind a facade that I am infallible and nothing bugs me. But what I don't hide are my genuine feelings of gratitude and appreciation (and ok I'll go as far as love) for the people I work with. I would never say that I love them to their faces because that would be more than slightly awkward (lol) but I do in the sense that through thick and thin, and when the shit hits the fan they always have my back. I trust these guys with my life so that I get home safe and sound in one piece. How many people can say that about the people they work with? I am one of the lucky ones. I care about my colleagues like they are my own family. And I share their hopes and dreams as if they were my very own.
I sometimes worry if I am offending anyone with what I have to say or if I am embarrassing any members of my crew or the fire department or even city I work for. But provided I write from a place of truth, then no one can judge me or take that away from me. I blog because it is a cathartic process and it helps me work through things that are racing through my head. Blogging slows me down and for this A-type personality that is exactly what I need. I suppose I could always journal or scapbook but my handwriting sucks and well, scrapbooking is just not me. Plus I love the way a blog looks.... all clean and tidy and so accessible. And it's an incredible way to keep all my experiences in one neat and convenient place where perhaps one day my children can look at it and gain a better understanding of their mother and realize that I'm human (and not crazy!) and have always just done the best that I can. And even though this blog is open for everyone to read, I take comfort in the fact that this blog is all mine and that I do it just for me. xo
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It's true what you say. Easier to allow complete strangers who you'll probably never meet to read your inner most private thoughts.
ReplyDeleteInitially I was like that.. but as more and more bloggers get to 'read' and 'know' me, as not just as a blogger, but my true identity.. I find myself, writing less and less about my true feelings. Hence, I've been more recluse. Ah..it's been quite a confusing state for me. Because my original intention for blogging was to share it with my kids (when they're adults) and show them that I am just human, with flaws.
But don't let whatever i just wrote, stop you from writing. You keep on going, girl.
I totally get what you're saying. I often have this inner battle of how much I want to reveal but I will continue to write as best I can from the heart. I too, would like to share my blog with my kids although they'll probably hate me for it when they're teenagers. But I do it because I know very little about my mother and I've always wanted to know 'that' side of her... to be able to see her as more human and flawed as opposed to her image of perfection
ReplyDeletehugs to you!
Alice you rock. I agree- it is sometimes easier to expose oneself to strangers... likewise I get conflicted about sharing too much information....I haven't posted in months for this reason. At the end of the day a blog is a modern journal and should be for you alone...Miss seeing ya! Nat!
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