Wednesday, November 27, 2013

and we begin again....

I'm back for a wee bit! With the holidays approaching and life in the fast lane with my two beautiful and growing children, I thought I had better pop in here for a hot minute and say hello. ;) My Captain's exam process begins in April and culminates in May. Looking forward to getting the dang exams over with and getting my full fledged Captain's stripes soon thereafter. :). So my nose is buried again in books and study notes. Time management is the issue these days. The children are five and seven now and so much more independent but now there are soccer and swimming and gymnastic lessons to add to the mix. And the older one wants to play the piano and the little one wants to play the electric drums of course. ;) I've settled into my new station quite well after they blew up my previous crew because of some interesting 'politicking' manoeuvers. I must say after the initial shock of losing my crew that I had grown to love, my new crew is strong and capable and it is working out just fine. As with anything, it takes a bit of time for things to adjust. Speaking of which, I am single again and even though I never thought I'd say this, I am quite relieved. You see, it turns out I had fallen madly in love with the idea of having a 'family' again, instead of falling in love with eyes open and seeing the man before me for who is actually was. Now I would like to think that I am a strong sensible woman and usually I am. But when it comes to matters of the heart I can easily be misguided by wanting something so badly that I don't see the forest for the trees. Luckily I listened to that little voice in my head and said enough is enough after the third (or fourth or fifth....geez) he lost his cool on me. Without getting into gory details I realized I was dealing with a fellow who had this. *deep breath here*. I realized through all of this I was still grieving the loss of my marriage and wanted so badly to recreate a reasonable facsimile, but then realized how unreasonable this idea was. Because you see, me and the children are enough. We aren't lacking anything. I am enough. I know who I am and will not have a lover undermine my fortitude and resilience. My children's father is present in their lives and is a terrific dad and we are becoming the good friends we ought to have been in our marriage. So life is good. And recalibrated. Besides, I have my study notes to keep me warm this winter ;)and beautiful friends and rocks I can still climb and fires to put out and children who are my greatest blessings. It's good to stand my ground and be on my own two feet. It's about time I own that. xo

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