Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
About Me
- firemama
- I am a professional firefighter in a busy metropolitan city who somehow made it to Acting Captain along the way. I am a mother and doing the best I can to balance these two very different worlds. I am a lover of red meat (cooked medium rare) and live in a funky loft with my 2 very loud and loveable kids. We manage to all get along despite the fact we only have one bathroom and zero privacy. I am a demon if I don't get in a daily workout or get out for some fresh air. I am a neat freak. My kids, of course, are not. I prefer shooting with my 35mm Nikon to any fancy digital camera out there.... only because I am hopelessly analog. My favourite sound in the world is hearing my children laugh. My second favourite sound in the world is silence. This is my blog on what it's like to be a chick in a man's world, a mother in these crazy times, and a woman who perhaps foolishly thinks she has found the meaning of life.
Subscribe To
Posts
Comments
Dan John wrote this in a booklet to his daughter, "From Dad To Grad". Hopefully it will fit here for you. I hope you are well.
ReplyDeleteOn Grief
Last weekend, an old high school friend of mine died. A couple of months ago, a classmate from my elementary school died. Living with grief is just one of those things we need to do as humans. I always say: “Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die to get there.” And, it is true; we are all destined to die.
Psalm 23 reminds us that “we walk through the valley of the shadow of death.” We don’t run. We walk. You will spend parts of your life in some stage of grief. The best way I know how to describe the feelings of grieving is to think of a roller coaster. Sometimes, for no reason at all, you may find yourself overwhelmed with grief. Yet, you may also laugh very hard the evening of a funeral...thinking of a funny story about the deceased, perhaps. Both reactions are perfectly normal. In fact, any reaction to grief is normal.
Some people argue that grief comes to you in stages. Well, maybe for some, but most people I have talked to about grief seem to vary all over the place.
One thing I have noticed is that sometimes a terrible thing will happen and you might find yourself not really bothered by the events. Soon, though, you might hear of the death of someone you barely know or something trivial like a traffic ticket will rend you to absolute tears and depression. It is at times like this that it is good to remind yourself that you recently experienced a loss.
When my dad died, I was certainly numb. A few months later, a person I knew “pretty well” died. I couldn’t stop crying. A friend took me aside and simply said: “It’s for your father, too.”
I didn’t feel crazy anymore. I’m sorry to tell you this, but you are going to be grieving things your whole life. You may grieve even things as simple as leaving a school through graduation. I used to warn my high school students about this phenomenon: often, a few months after high school graduation, students would drop by and express regret about all the “roads not taken” in their high school days. The “could haves, would haves, and should haves” of the four year high school experience would wake up an odd form of grieving.
11
You might find yourself grieving a break up of relationship years later, or maybe weeks later, when you know the break up was for the best.
Grief is going to visit you many times in your life. The best way to deal with it is the best way to live: give yourself wholeheartedly to others. You may or may not manage grief well, but you can always make a difference.