humbled

I woke up this morning and I was humbled by my body. I'd love to say I was in awe of what looked back at me in the mirror and that I had my 20 year old body attached to my 40 year old head but nope... no such luck.

You see, there isn't a day that I wake up where I don't feel any pain:

There's the pain of having to pry my eyelids open to wake up when I just want an extra hour of sleep. Being a mother doesn't help and being a firefighter compounds the problem of sleep deprivation. Is it worse to say I'd rather be woken up by a fire call than my kids jumping on me in the morning begging to eat sugary cereal in front of the tv?

There's also the physical pain. This is the first year where I really feel the weight of my gear. I think part of the problem is that we have new airpacks and they don't fit me properly. I'm going to have to investigate further into this when I'm back on shift to see if it can be adjusted to fit my torso. There's not a day where my back, neck, hips, or knee doesn't hurt... I even have a bunion that is beginning to throb.. and on bad days everything hurts at the same time. Ibuprofen has become my good friend. I see the older guys on the job and I understand and feel for them because I am becoming one of them. I also see the look of the smug rookies as they bound up the stairs. Ha ha I say to myself... just give it ten years and you'll be feeling the same way I do. But I can return the smug look when I beat them to the top of the stairs carrying twice the amount of gear . :) And in that glorious moment.... every moment of pain shooting through my body and lungs is worth it.