Monday, March 19, 2012

keep your mouth shut

One thing that I never ever say at calls is "He/she/it is going to be fine" because that is between that person and their god and the team of doctors or their insurance company to decide. How can I say they will be fine when I don't know their history, their life story, how they deal with things? And what their pain tolerance might be? How can I make a promise like that?  I have seen people walk away without a scratch after  being extricated from a car that looked like a crushed soda can.  And I've also seen people perish from a small bump on their head when they tripped on the sidewalk.

Another thing I never ever say to someone who is grieving is "I understand". Although well intentioned, the only person who can understand the pain is that person.  I'm particularly sensitive lately when I hear these words uttered at calls. In fact I cringe. Partly because it brings me back to the tough time when my husband and I split. As I signed the separation papers my dragon-lady lawyer touched my arm and said "I understand".  I pulled my arm away and said "Oh do you?  Are you a mother?  Do you know what it's like to have to sit your children down and explain why Daddy isn't living here anymore ". I really wanted to tell her to go F herself but my mother raised me better than that and my lawyer was just going through her lawyerly routine and I was just a number and a damn big number if you knew what lawyers charge these days so I didn't want to take up one more moment of her condescending billable hours.  Bollocks. My pain is my lawyer's gain.

I also hate it when men, upon trying to pick me up say "I get it. I am divorced too". Uhm. No.  You have no freaking clue. Get your head out of your narcissistic ass.  Because first of all if you knew me well enough to even make that dumbass comment, you would know that I am separated and not divorced. Even though divorce is pending and imminent.  And what makes you think that your break up is anything remotely similar to mine?  What makes you think you can get close to me because you happen to think we have that horrible common denominator. Sheesh.

Ok. Rant over. Whew.  Glad I got that out of my system.  lol

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