ciao 2010

It's hard to believe another year has flown by. I still can't wrap my head around how quickly time goes. It's been exactly one year since I have been back after my second maternity leave and I have to say, I am more enthusiastic about my job than I have ever been. I find it quite amusing that my very first shift as a firefighter was on Christmas day (first call ever was an elevator rescue) and my very first shift back from mat leave was New Year's Eve (peeling drunks off the floor). As most of you know, I LOVE working during the holidays because there is that vibe of anticipation of emergencies that seem to mark these days. As I sit and type, I can hear the fire engines from the station near our home race by and there is a part of me that wishes I was on the trucks tonight. But alas, I just finished shift this morning and they don't let you work 48 hours straight. ;)

The best thing about work is going to work. And the best thing about work is coming back home. I love walking in seeing my children still in their pj's and tousled hair. I love seeing their faces light up while saying 'mama!' as they run towards my outstretched arms. I don't know if it is them or me who runs into each other the fastest. Maiya is at the age now where she 'gets it'. She doesn't always want to listen to what I have to say but at least she can understand my point of view. She continues to be fearless and independent, strong willed and silly at the same time. Jacob is the peacekeeper, the thinker, the gentle, sensitive being. Jacob captured my heart, Maiya healed my soul. They have made me look at myself and the world in a whole new way.

This decade has been incredible. And a somewhat modern fairytale... I met my husband, became a firefighter, had two babies, and finally started seeing the forest for the trees. Being a firefighting mother has sped my life up to warp speed yet at the same time has helped me to slow down in the best of ways. I no longer feel like I have to push my body to the limit, but rather believe in its strength. I no longer worry about what is around the corner but enjoy what I have now. And I have stopped giving a rat's ass what people think of me because it's only how I feel about myself that really matters along with honouring my family and children. It's been a journey of self-discovery, and certainly not an easy path, but it's been deep and fulfilling nonetheless.

I won't be ringing in the new year only because my eyelids feel like they weigh a ton and I don't imagine I will be able to stay awake till then. But I wanted to wish everyone the best of all good things that are to come.

From my family to yours, may 2011 be full of happiness and growth, peace, health and love. It is my wish that life keeps on getting better and better xo

love

For someone who has always had an uneasy feeling around Christmastime (and who has been dubbed this year as the official Scrooge at work), I was pleasantly surprised to have one of the best Christmases I recall. It was lovely watching Jacob and Maiya open their presents, believing as children do that Santa and his reindeer came to make their special delivery and eat the milk and cookies and carrots for them. And amazing watching my normally sibling rivaled children play quietly together for hours and then visiting extended family later in the afternoon. It was fun playing out in the snow. But my favourite gift, apart from my children's smiles, was opening my inbox and finding a beautifully written email from a friend who moved to Hong Kong about a year ago. I miss her dearly and thinking of her made me remember what this holiday is all about.... it's about connecting with people you love....even if it is only via a few cyberspace paragraphs. So this Christmas is for you Jo, and for all the people I love that I can't be with, either because of proximity or because they are no longer part of this realm.... Happiest of holidays. xoxoxo

Grinchy

There's always something about this time of year that makes me a bit Grinchy. Perhaps it's the incessant Muzak Christmas carols that play at every store you walk into. Perhaps it's because people look stressed out all the time from the shopping. Perhaps it's because everyone seems to be driving like maniacs... and I don't even want to think about the drunk drivers that may be out there after imbibing too much spiked eggnog. Perhaps because there are moments when I feel utterly hopeless about the fact that in a country as great as ours there are children who go hungry everyday and a little piece of my heart breaks if I think about this too much. I detest the overconsumption, the consumerism, the craziness of Chistmas. Up to the moment I had children, I always took the Chistmas shift because the firehouse is my haven, a place without the pressure of the holidays, where you can break bread without having to wear that horrible sweater aunt so-and-so gave you. And where maybe you can help someone in their time of need. Half the time the calls we get at Chistmas are from people who are alone or just lonely. These are the people I want to be with because I feel like they need me the most.

Despite my bah-humbugness, I do believe that there is something magical about this time of year... I get to reflect on the amazing things that have come into my life which I am so grateful for and sometimes I wonder what a girl like me ever did to deserve two beautiful children and an incredibly supportive husband. I am grateful for my firefighting family who always has my back and are like blood brothers to me. I am grateful for the sense of community they give me, the feeling of safety and security and the bond of friendship that comes through doing what we do for a living.

Perhaps this is why I personally don't need Christmas. It's here everyday when I see my little family and everyday I step into work.

Peace and love. xo

I know, I know.....

.... it's been EONS since I've posted. No excuse really apart from the fact I have my nose buried in the books studying for this Acting Captain's exam. Only four more months of this and I will have a semblance of normalcy back in my life. Every spare minute I have I dive into my textbooks and my notes. I can honestly say I have read over 3500 pages of material. Reading it I find easy. Assimilating it into my brain is a different thing. I think one of the reasons I haven't been blogging is that I am afraid that if I let my creative juices flow, I will lose all the fire facts, functions of command and all the policies and procedures I currently have crammed in my head and trying trying to desperately keep from falling out of my ears. So please forgive me in advance if I don't get on here much between now and E day. This mommy brain is definitely overloaded. All I can say is thank goodness I love, love, love the material I am learning. No way would I engage months of my life into this otherwise.