busted :)

I was on shift yesterday which means my husband was home with the kids on his own. That usually means a simple dinner or more often than not, Vietnamese take-out food from our favourite little place. It's nutritious and beats Kraft Dinner anyday. Jacob can finish an adult serving of beef noodle soup. Maiya however has been picking at her food these days because it hurts her to chew.... teething has been tough on her. So you can imagine my surprise and delight when hubby sent me the 'picture of the day' update to me of Maiya. Apparently, as he was getting J into his jammies, and Maiya was supposedly playing in her room, she climbed up to seat herself at the dining table (which is a bit scary since our chairs are tippy and our floors are concrete and M's balance isn't great yet) and started helping herself to Daddy's dinner. All he could hear from the other room was M saying "mmmmm.... mmmmmmmmm" so when he came to investigate, half his grilled lemongrass beef dinner was gone... including the spicy carrots. lol

sibling love

Seems to be a bit too much sibling love going on around here these days. Maiya has learned the power of a hug and hugs just about everyone and everything she sees. She thinks it's especially funny to run full tilt and jump on Jacob with a hug when he's sitting on the couch quietly trying to watch tv.

As you can see, Maiya is amused. Jacob is not.
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lol... I am soooo bringing out this picture when he gets married.

honeymoon's over

Well, I dropped the kids off at daycare this morning and Maiya's little squishy chubby cheeked face crumpled into tears. She's caught a bit of a cold so she's not feeling all too great so I think that had something to do with it. Everytime I went to leave she'd cling to my leg and she would make that face. And my heart would start breaking. Then....

Enter Jacob.

Thank God for big brothers. Jacob came swaggering in from the room next door and sat down with her and shared his snack so she was fine. It's always heartwarming seeing how he takes care of her. Because it is heartwrenching for me to see my baby cry. But alas, as my husband says, a little bit of challenge and adversity is necessary for children. It's good for children to learn some life and coping skills, even at this early age. Maiya and Jacob are surrounded by love at daycare and it is good for them to know that love also comes from other people outside the family circle. I know my children don't lead the most normal life with their mother working shift going days without seeing them. I miss out on some weekends and holidays. But it is the life we have and like I said, they are surrounded by loving people when I'm not around. And frankly it is the only life they know and I think they are doing just fine. It's me that usually has the tougher time of it.

baby steps

Well. Maiya started daycare this week and on day one I dropped her off with Jacob and off she toddled to play with nary a backward glance. When I went to pick her up I had to drag her out of there kicking and screaming because she did not want to leave. When I was finally able to stuff her into the stroller she realized she was so hungry that she wolfed down a banana and a bottle of milk in two seconds flat. Just as we predicted, she has settled in fine. I think the fact that Jacob is in the next room with the preschoolers helps. He pops in to see her and make sure she's ok... he's protective that way. Although yesterday I did get a phone call because Maiya was inconsolable. Turns out she was overtired from all the activity and stimulation and she was only able to nap a short time whereas at home she naps anywhere from 2 to 3 hours. My husband went to pick the kids up early because I was at work and he said she was crying but when he was getting her ready to go home she didn't want to leave. Go figure. As with anything, there is always a bit of a transition period. It was odd coming home this morning after shift to an empty house. With both children in daycare and my husband at work, I feel a wee bit lost. Which is a feeling I didn't quite expect. I thought I'd be tap dancing and enjoying long hot bubble baths but instead I feel a bit ungrounded. I think partially it is because I just came off shift and I haven't seen the kids in two days. And I just want to give them a hug. But I pick them up early this afternoon anyway so I might as well enjoy the peace and quiet and get a nice dinner ready. After all these years of having a baby growing in me or glued at the hip, it's strange to have my days independent again. Time to take my own baby steps here to rediscover myself.

my deepest loves

There's a moment in time that is nearly imperceptible when all of a sudden your baby disappears and becomes a toddler and your little boy becomes a little man. I have really noticed the growth in the children since I've been back to work. Perhaps the distance of being away on shift makes me more aware of the changes that happen when I'm gone. Maiya is still my little dolly but she's matured into this person who knows how to communicate and get her message across crystal clear. She is quick to point out her likes and dislikes and wants to do everything on her own.... from opening the door, to feeding herself, and when swimming.... she doesn't want anyone to hold on to her except that she can't swim yet so I think I may have to get a lifejacket so she can paddle around on her own. She is so independent that when at the shopping mall, she refuses to hold my hand and will wander around full tilt with nary a backward glance. But what floors me the most is the fact that she is telling me when she needs to go potty and she's not even 15 months old yet. It's cute... she'll tell me 'potty' then run to the bathroom and wait for me to help her.

Jacob's vocabulary continues to increase exponentially. I have started speaking to him in French and he is catching on quickly. He can fly a remote control helicopter on his own and his lateral thinking is advanced to the point I am finding it a bit freaky. He will most likely do better in school than I ever did. The thing I love the most about my son is how gentle he is. Where Maiya is the fearless and independent warrior princess, Jacob is the sensitive old soul. He still tells me he loves me everyday and will hold my hand walking down the street and let me carry him in my arms when he is tired. Jacob will wash his sister's hair when they are in the bath together, feed her when she's hungry and get her a bottle when she asks in a language that sometimes only he can understand. It's adorable when he gets home from daycare and they go running into each other's arms. When we walk through the neighbourhood and he bumps into his daycare friends it's fun for me to step back and watch him have full-on conversations with his mates.

I have said it before and I will say it again that I am so fortunate to have these two little rascals in my life. They are both so different from each other in perfectly balanced ways. I will need to remind myself to read this post whenever the children are driving me crazy... motherhood isn't easy but my-oh-my it's certainly the roller coaster ride of my life. xo

my monkeys blowing raspberry kisses:


skater girl:


world peace smiles:

un-mother of the year

I will never win Mother Of the Year Award. I know my limitations. I don't profess to be one of those shiny polished homeschooling mothers that you see on the cover of magazines where their hair is perfectly coiffed and their lipstick matches their outfits.... and their kids are wearing Gap clothing with nary a stain on them. I make sure my kids' clothes are clean and if they happen to match that day, well, it's a bonus. I let Jacob pick out his own clothing and he dresses himself in the morning. Sometimes his shoes will be on the wrong feet or his underwear will be on backwards but I've never heard him complain about having bunions or a wedgie.

I knew before getting into the mothering business that it was going to be challenging, especially with the physical and mental demands of being a firefighter, but the past few weeks I feel like I've been hit by a Mack truck. I have a toddler and a preschooler and it seems like they are doing everything they can to test my stamina. I'm no wimp but on some days I am near tears with exhaustion. I've thought about hiring a cleaning lady again but the thought of spending all that money when the house will be a mess minutes after she leaves seems a bit wasteful. Plus, as weird as it may sound, I find cleaning therapeutic when I can do it on my own terms without kids underfoot trying to jump in the mop bucket or empty the dishwasher as I'm trying to load it. Maiya thinks scrubbing the toilet out is a riot except she tries to do it with her toothbrush. Her new favourite word is 'noooooo'. Go figure.

They say parenting gets easier. I'm not so sure. I think each stage of childhood has its challenges and rewards.

We've been ordering a lot of take-out lately, and thankfully at least it's healthy food like sushi, and Vietnamese or Thai.... if I didn't have my little family I would probably eat tuna straight out of a can and some baby carrots and wash it down with a glass of wine or three. All our clothes are perma-wrinkled because they sit in the basket for days after they've been washed... I don't bother to fold them anymore. I'm still cloth diapering Maiya since I can't bring myself to use the disposables. Thankfully Maiya is the best potty baby in the world and does her poops in the toilet so washing the diapers is one of the simpler chores.

So today I tapped out and waved my little white flag. I dropped Maiya off at my folks to babysit. And I am sitting on my arse eating a pint of Guinness (yes Guinness!) ice cream and leaving that spilled bowl of Cheerios on the counter. And heck... I might just watch a bit of Oprah and allow myself to do nothing for once in my life. At least until my husband gets back with Jacob from daycare. But we'll be doing take-out.... again. Like I said, I will never be Mother of the Year, but it's so nice to be ok with myself that it's not a title I even want to strive for...

good lord woman!

During a ridiculously sleepless night that resulted in channel surfing, I came across a show about the Duggars.

All I can say is... holy crap Mama Duggar. That's a lot of bambinos. I have merely two children and I wish I could look that perky, relaxed and calm. And you're only a few years older than I am. My children, although clean, aren't as neatly groomed and yours. And my home is nowhere near as tidy! I couldn't even fathom trying to homeschool. I'm impressed.

My hats off to you Mama Duggar. Oh, and I apologize for swearing earlier in this post. There is nothing really holy about crap. You are a superwoman for running that household and looking so un-tired. There are days in my household when preparing dinner is so overwhelming that I scream 'I give!' and my husband knows to order a pizza. And when Jacob is jumping around like a kangaroo on caffeine that I'd like to send him off to camp for a week or three. And when Maiya has somehow managed to climb up onto the dining table for the umpteenth time and I have to dash across the room before she decides to do a swan dive backwards on her head. And when my husband gives me 'the look' I give him my look back that says 'not tonight... you've got to be kidding me' . And we convince ourselves that we're not exhausted but the bags under our eyes and our dishevelled look gives us away.

Maybe I need to believe in Jesus more.... I'm in if it helps keep me sane.

ready for fire

It's the eve of my return to work... tomorrow I head to Training and to Headquarters for the remainder of the week to play around with the trucks and hoses and go over any new medical protocol and policies and procedures and work out the cobwebs. I should be asleep right now but it feels like it's the night before Christmas and I am too excited to sleep. Maiya is tucked in bed at my parents' house tonight, and my husband is working overtime, so I had my favourite little boy all to myself. Jacob was all too pleased as well not having to compete against his sister for attention. As we often do when it's just the two of us, we headed to our favourite local little restaurant for dinner and then like the good mother that I am, I put him to work. ;) He pulled out my fire gear and washed out my facepiece, snapped on my suspenders, sorted my fire gloves from my extrication gloves, and tried everything on for size. He was pretty excited since I normally don't let him try on my gear since it can be contaminated and I keep it at work but no worries this time since we all received brand spanking new threads to meet NFPA standards.

I have had an amazing year off. Since Maiya is our last baby, I've really soaked in all those delicious baby moments. I remember when I went back to work after my maternity leave was over with Jacob I was absolutely freaked out. But this time around I know what to expect and although I am now on a different platoon, which means getting to know the nuances of working with a new crew, I am excited. There is something energizing about new beginnings even if it means something else is ending. I am grateful for the support that I get with the people I work with, and the support I get from my family at home. I would not have the life I have or be where I am without them.

Do not pinch me. xo

then and now

I get a bit misty eyed when I look back at baby pictures. It goes by so quickly and I already miss having a squishy baby to hold. Maiya is no longer a babe in arms. She is off and running following the footsteps of her big brother and is talking a blue streak. She can say 'ott' (hot), 'ap-daaaaaaaaaw' (up-down), 'bye', 'er yu go' (here you go) and of course 'no'.
Jacob continues to be the ever inquisitive boy, full of questions and a ball full of energy. My husband and I are both pretty ragged by the end of the day chasing after the two. As much as I already miss the baby phase and as much as I loved my pregancies and labours, we are done. It's not the finances, or the interruption of my career, or the diapers, or the time. Simply put, we've just plain old pooped.

But it's nice to look to see how far we've come.

That was then:




And here are the monkeys now:



Sigh... where does the stinking time go?

have mercy

Can someone tell me how a 23 lb. 1 year old girl can outrun a 145 lb firefighter?

I am drowning here......

Ack! Gotta go.... Maiya is tearing up the joint.

Help.

another milestone

Jacob came home from daycare all breathless from excitement. He worked hard all day with his friends to make the perfect birthday card for his baby sister. And of course he wanted cake. So even though it was close to bedtime we figured... why not? A nice sponge cake never hurt anyone and since we didn't put icing on it we didn't have to worry too, too much about sugar spins.

The birthday girl:


Cake is going...


...going


...going...


Gone!

Maiya had more fun feeding Jacob which was fine by him... lol

Happy Birthday my little one!

when I grow up.

As a parent, I sometimes wonder what my children will want to be when they grow up. It never dawned on me to become a firefighter until I was 30 years old and had many jobs and several careers that led me to where I am today. Youth is a perfect time to explore....

Will Jacob be a construction worker?


Or a team mascot?


Perhaps a car jockey?


Or a cross dressing ladder operator?


Who knows? I don't care what he wants to do as long as he is deep down happy and isn't living in my basement when he's 35.

Maiya is 2 years younger than her big brother thus has had less time to explore career options. One thing I do know for sure though....

She is a ham.


And she already has the requisite skills to become a great plumber.

Remembrance Day

Even though they are too young to understand, I tell my children that they have won the birth lottery... for they live in a country where they can speak any language and follow any religion without persecution. They have a health care system that won't turn them away at the hospital door. They can go to school. They can grow up to be anything they want to be. They have food. They have clean water. And most of all, they are not growing up in a country at war. Granted, we have soldiers in Afghanistan but so far, I am able to shelter them from that.

I was listening on the radio to the Remembrance Day ceremonies and there was a lump in my throat. I cannot imagine what it would be like to have a loved one at war, or worse, to have lost a loved one. I am far away from war. And my experience is limited to what I read and if I search, I may hear a story from a veteran and from someone who lived through it. Jacob's great-grandfather (my husband's grand dad) fought in World War I. He is still alive to this day at the age of 95 to recount events during a time before internet and ipods. My paternal grandmother lost 4 of her children during the Second World War because there was no medication available to treat them. They died from illnesses that easily would have been cured today. My maternal grandmother sewed the family jewels inside the stuffing of my mother's dolly. I have one of her rings that I will be giving to my Maiya dolly one day.

So today, I give thanks to those who have fought, and to those who are still fighting in wars they did not start. I give thanks that my children can sleep peacefully at night. Every year I buy a poppy and proudly wear it. But this year I was given an extra special poppy from Jacob. It is a little construction paper poppy with its centre askew and a teeny heart sticker and sprinkled with glitter and glued to a pin. This is one of those things that I will keep forever because this little poppy is my symbol of hope.... that my son and daughter grow without fear in a world of peace.

To all the soldiers of the past, present, and future, thank you and God Bless.

Zena

Looks like Princess Warrior Maiya is staking her territory. Baby or not, she knows what she wants. She is fearless. And she has a grip. Wrestling something she shouldn't have out of her hands is like wrestling with an alligator. And oh you should see the crocodile tears that roll down her face when she doesn't get her way. And when she does get her way she grins like the cat that ate the canary. She's a good actress. She will squawk like a teradactyl to let you know that what she has is hers.... she has made her big brother scurry away in fear once or twice. He's a smart boy. He knows already that when girls are moody it is best to just walk away or go hide in the man cave with Daddy. ;)

That's my girl..... xo

just a few pics

Thought I'd post a few pics of the family since it's been awhile:

Maiya in the Circle of Neglect:


Jacob in a rare quiet moment... (he just woke up... lol)


And I think one of my favourite photos.... Daddy and Maiya enjoying the sunset together from our window... xo

eat your heart out Einstein

I've made a discovery that would make even Einstein himself proud. Sure he figured out the theory of relatively. That's child's play compared to mine that will make every mother realize she is not going insane... which is that the quantum theory of happiness is directly and proportionately relative to the behaviour of your children at any given moment in time. When Jacob has finished all his veggies and is not jumping-climbing-shouting as 3 year olds love to do, and Maiya isn't suction cupped to my boobs and sleeps through the night, I have the patience of Mother Theresa and the will of Ghandi. I can whip up a meal that would be worthy of Cordon Bleu, clean the house better than Molly Maid. And most of all.... I can get through the day without nagging my husband and perhaps even have some energy left over to entertain the thought of being Linda Lovelace. But if the kids are being naughty.... it's take-out food for dinner, and the home is doomed looking like a bomb went off. My husband's theory is simpler..... if the house is clean when he walks through the front door after work, he knows I'm in a good mood. But if it's a raging mess, no chance of Linda Lovelace... more like Linda Loveless. Sorry honey... but that's how we ended up with 2 children in the first place... lol. xo

another bestest weekend

With the baby getting most of the attention these days, I love it when I can reconnect with my first baby.... Jacob. He is one of the greatest joys of my life and I remember clear as a bell the second he was born and I looked at him and I laughed out loud because I was so happy to finally meet him. I will have to dig up that picture. If I could capture that moment of pure bliss for a minute everyday I would be the happiest person alive.

This weekend my husband was working overtime and not home till late until the evening. So on Saturday, with both children in tow I set off on our morning trek to the bakery etc. But in the afternoon, I asked my parents to watch Maiya during her nap and I took Jacob and off we went exploring the city. We found a great little street festival and Jacob was just thrilled to be able to walk around and take in all the sites. There was a gentleman making animal balloons and you should have seen the smile on Jacob's face when he got two of them! The thing that I love about my son is that he will never whine or cry when we are out browsing. He saw a ton of those cheap toys and candy from street vendors and I could see him look at them longingly but he never once asked. He would oooohhh and ahhhhh and say he liked them and continue on. We came across another vendor with a display of Hot Wheels cars and I could see Jacob lingering and I said he could have 'just one'. His little face lit up and in that moment I could have bought him that entire collection. Jacob looked them over carefully and ended up picking the Hot Wheels ice cream truck.... lol. We went home and I made dinner for my parents and they bathed the children and it was one of the most perfect days.

Today I was on my own with both children and with Jacob in the stroller and Maiya on my back we walked a half hour to an outdoor art show and petting zoo. And as much fun we had with all the exhibits and children's activities, the best part was crossing this pedestrian overpass bridge just as the stock trains were passing underneath.
I let him walk on the bridge and he stood stock still in awe for 20 minutes as the trains passed beneath him. He looked so small yet so self assured and I wish I could have let him stay there until the very last train passed but alas, it was time to go because he could barely keep his eyes open. And there was not a peep from Maiya all day. This little dolly of a girl will stay perched on my back and look around contentedly and when sleepy, just place her cheek on my back and sleep.

Both children tucked in bed and as exhausted as I am, I can say it was truly a great weekend to be a mother. xo

kiss me baby

Maiya has learned how to kiss. And it is adorable. At bedtime she will crawl on top of me and plant a big sloppy wet kiss right on my lips. She'll crawl as fast as she can to catch her big brother to kiss him sending Jacob scurrying in all directions trying to escape.

There is nothing sweeter in this world than a baby's kiss. And what makes it even sweeter is that it's my baby's kiss. xo

miss fartsalot

I am used to farts. I live at the firehall with 9 other men for a 24 hour tour and after a five alarm chilli dinner and communal dorms there are no secrets to be had; and at home, I have a husband and a boy to contend with. But nobody... and I mean noboday can drop a rose like my baby girl. Miss Fartsalot will let one go and laugh and continue on while we are left in the wake.

I can't believe I am posting about my daughter's gas.

I need to get out of the house more.

At least until the air clears. ;)

uh... hungry?

My children have always been fantastic eaters. But my daughter in particular is something else. She will squawk like a teradactyl if she sees me headed to the fridge. It's her way of saying 'I'm hungry mama'. If I do not share what I happen to be eating I am deluged with a sea of tears. I do not know where she gets her appetite from. When I was single I could eat a pan of Rice Krispy squares for dinner. But now with a family I have to make wiser food choices, cooking from scratch. I have to tie Maiya to my back most of the time when I cook because otherwise she disappears and gets into everything and will start chewing on an old shoe or something.


This is what she ate in total yesterday in no particular order all cut up into bite sized pieces or smooshed up so she could feed herself... give or take the stuff that ended up in her hair or up her nose....

I cup of blueberries
handful of garbanzo beans
a few avocado wedges
1/2 sweet potato
2 zucchini rounds
3 pieces boiled broccoli flowers
3 cherries
1 boiled egg yolk
1 small roasted chicken drumstick
some plain full fat yogurt she mooched off of me
plus unlimited breastmilk from moi

Not bad for an 8 1/2 month old. I guess she is going through a growth spurt and burning lots of energy trying to take her first unassisted steps.

I am happy she is a good eater. She would make the boys at the firehouse proud.

There is a downside though. What goes in one end, must come out the other. And so lovely in cloth diapers. I cannot wait until this baby is potty trained.